Hardcore Hermit

People don't tend to think that we have winter down here in Florida, I've had a friend describe it as "The Australia of America", but we do. My mom informed me before she went to bed that it's supposed to get down to the 40s! I dunno what it is right now but man, it's cold. Now, people are kinda right about Florida, we don't get a true and proper winter, just little bursts of it here and there. Lemme tell ya something though, I live in a beach town and while my base of operations isn't real close to the ocean (I think we're like a 15 minute drive, I could be wrong though) we still get some serious coldness blowing in. I don't like the chilly weather, gang. It makes me achy, my skin gets real dry, my lips chap, it ain't pretty. So during the colder months you can find me under a blanket decked out in full winter wear. The up side to this is that while I have some hermit time (I'm actually usually a hermit anyways, but this is hardcore hermit stuff) I've actually pole vaulted my reading block with several feet to spare, that is to say I got over it. Mainly I've read comics but I still feel accomplished. Three Avatar comics, three volumes of Kekkaishi, and one middle grade fantasy later I'm kicking back a bit because I done good. I finally started on rereading a series of books that I mentioned in a previous entry because I got the last one for Christmas. The book I'm currently on is called My Name Is Chloe by Melody Carlson, it's a Christian fiction about a high school girl who ends up finding God and starting a band along the way. It's much cooler than I make it sound and if you're a Christian teenage girl I consider it a must read. I've read this book several times over the years and it's really held up. I still find it incredibly encouraging and find the protagonist Chloe to be a very real and relatable character. Even though she finds God she still questions things, she still has her doubts. But she really keeps the faith, and honestly she inspires me more than a lot of sermons I've sat through. The writing in this book is great, it's written as Chloe's diary so it feels sorta like reading a letter instead of the usual detached third person I don't tend to like in realistic books, instead of reading about how our leading lady was feeling you have her telling you straight up and it's really refreshing. Now I had started reading this book just before I wrote my last entry all about my relationship with God and it's a little weird because yesterday was Friday the 13th and in the book Chloe becomes a Christian on Friday the 13th. I found that to be an interesting coincidence. While this book does make me feel better and less lost it also leaves me feeling a little empty too, I seriously wish I had a home church and some friends to talk about these things with. It's not that I don't have friends or that they wouldn't hear me out about these things, it's just that two of the live out of state and my oldest friend who lives down here has a lot on her plate and doesn't live too nearby so I don't get to see her so much, and they're all crazy busy to boot. I miss youth group, I miss jamming to worship and hearing a sermon I actually agreed with (another reason I left my old church, I won't go into details but my personal beliefs clashed with what they were preaching). I know, I'm probably right at the age where they'd kick me out into "adult church", but honestly I feel a lot younger than I am in certain ways...And then in other ways I'm more mature than most kids my age...So yeah, that's the struggle and it's very much real. Is it completely cheesy to liken my present situation to the cold weather? How it makes me feel tired and brittle and beat up? Despite my mini spiritual awakening last night I haven't really sat down and properly prayed, I've sorta been conversating with God at random times, talking to him about the weather and things like reading and my writing, asking him to help this person or that person. Quite honestly I'm not sure what to ask for, I'm not sure which words would go together best to express what I'm looking for. I know he knows my heart, that he knows exactly what I need, but I just wish he'd point me in the right direction. I also wish talking to him was easier. I don't think there's really anything wrong per say with praying in a more casual way, I mean, I'm talking to him. I'm trying to lay my burdens down as the bible instructs. I just wish he'd show me how to iron the crinkles proverbial tee shirt of my life. Maybe he's trying, if so I wish he'd be a little more clear. This is the kinda stuff I wish I had a friend or possibly a pastor to talk about with. I mean, I get that God's the one with the answers but I also know he uses people to help steer us down the right path and all that. Wouldn't it be groovy if when we gave our hearts over to the lord we got a spiritual GPS? That probably sounds totally stupid but I think it'd be great. If you're wondering what my point is there isn't one, please see my first entry where I warn about rantings and ramblings on this blog. I think that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby