The Optimist

Today I am in a pondering sort of mood. I was just listening to a playlist of tunes I hadn't heard in a good while and suddenly Pompeii came on and a flood of emotions washed over me. Do you ever find that with certain songs you recall how you felt when you first listened to them? Pompeii wasn't a fun time in my life, I listened to that song almost constantly early last year when I was mourning a family member. The lyrics really spoke to me, "How am I gonna be an optimist about this?", how will my life ever go back to normal? The answer is it didn't. I still hurt, I still think about all the days I wasted and all the love I didn't show, I still expect to see this person whenever there's a big family event; I forget they're gone and suddenly a wound I thought was healed opens up again. I've lost a lot of people in the last couple of years, gang, and I've got regrets that go with everyone of them. But you know what? I remind myself that they're happier than they ever were here and someday we'll be that happy together and it comforts me a little. I still go back to those lyrics, I find myself constantly questioning how to look on the bright side in these hard times in this cruel world, and I remind myself what's waiting for me, and that I need to try my best until then, and I feel a little better again. It's an almost constant cycle, it's a struggle to remain optimistic. But to think how for every bad day I have there is an eternity of good ones sure as heck helps. And just because I don't foresee and bright spots in my future doesn't mean that they aren't there, God's full of surprises. I think a good chunk of faith is believing in the good days when you're in the middle of a bad one. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby