Sunshine & Short Films

Do you ever get in one of those moods that turns every song on your iPod into your jam; that makes you feel like running and singing and climbing a mountain? Do you get hit by a sudden positive vibe out of nowhere and find that you just can't sit still, that you have to release all the good stuff inside of you? That's the kinda mood I find myself in right now which probably isn't a good thing since I have things to do tomorrow and it is currently very late at night (or very early in the morning depending on your perspective). But instead of sitting in bed and dwelling on all the things currently filling me with anxiety like I usually do at this time of night I've decided to sit in the dark of my living room and write about this sudden ray of sunshine. It's funny, about an hour ago I wasn't doing so hot; I was dwelling on the aforementioned anxiety and honestly having quite a crappy time of it...But then I put on a Disney short films collection I found on Netflix and at first some of them had me crying and others had me creeped out but then there was one that had me smiling and soon I was laughing and...I dunno, something about the whole thing made me feel better. Before each of the shorts they had some of the people who worked on them talk about the production and there's something that really cheers me up about seeing people talk about something that started as a scribble or a vague idea and then watching the finished product. Okay, I really I sound really silly and probably pretty irresponsible, but the thing is that a good mood like this rarely lasts long so I've learned to cherish them while they last. Now I have a confession, guys. It's kinda something I'm a little embarrassed to mention to my family or friends but since a slim few of the people in my life even know about this blog I suspect this little secret will be safe here. I'm sure this sounds incredibly silly but I really really wish I could work on animated movies; I possess no talent that would be useful in any stage of production but it's a little dream I like to think about sometimes. Something about these movies is just really special me; as I've grown older I've found myself drinking in every detail, a certain swell of music, the way the backgrounds are look, an Easter egg I didn't catch when I was little. I just feel like the kinda stuff Disney puts out can bring something really good into the world and I think it'd be something else to take part in sending it out there. Well, that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Holidays, Homesickness, & Hair Color

It's October now. I find myself asking, "Where has the year gone?", I then answer myself, "Up in smoke with all my dreams". Okay, joking aside I'm less jazzed than most people for this month. I'm not really a big Halloween person; I'm a fall person, I like to eat sweet potato bread and have a cinnamon broom in the house, but I don't really dig candy or scary movies as much as everybody else seems to. Normally at this time of year I'd start listening to Christmas music (yes, I'm that person) but this year my brother and I have a pact that we don't start getting festive too early for fear of it jinxing our holiday season. Last year was...less than spectacular. I know it's really stupid and of course it won't make a difference but maybe not listening to the songs and watching the movies early will make everything feel more special this year. As far as other happenings go I'm currently staying at my Titi's house as she's having some problems with her heart and the doctor insisted she rest. So I'm looking after her demon pug that has to be walked about two hundred times a day and general doing my best to lend a helping hand. Pitiful confession time, even though I'm only two minutes away from my house and I'm really homesick. I miss my bed, my dog, watching HGTV with my mom at night, that kinda stuff. I have a TV with cable in the room I'm staying in and I've chosen to watch House Hunters of all things; if that doesn't tell you how attached I am to my routine I don't know what will. It's not like I'm not enjoying my quality family time or anything, I love hanging out with my Titi, it's just that when it comes time to go to sleep my diddly darned anxiety goes into overdrive and suddenly every noise is enough to make me jump out of my skin and I just have this general dark cloud of unease hovering over me. I really need to get this nonsense in check already. On a completely unrelated note I'm thinking about dyeing my hair either dark blue or a mossy shade of green, I probably won't but I'm thinking about it. I doubt I'll ever actually dye my hair again (I used to have orange streaks that then faded to blonde until about a year or so ago), partly because I'm lazy and don't want to deal with upkeep, and then there's the fact that with my luck I'd likely fry my hair. Well, there are two more reasons, the first is that I've heard from people with crazy colored hair that strangers tend to approach you a lot and will sometimes want to touch your head (I encountered such people when I used to have my hair down to my waist and do not feel like dealing with such creepers again), and the second is that I wanna be able to do some casual cosplays that would be better with my natural blackish brown color. I am a master of excuses. Well, that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Best Supporting Actress

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that my role in this world is a supporting one. I'm not the protagonist of any story except the ones told on this blog. I'm somebody's sister, or best friend, or daughter but never the somebody that's the topic of conversation. Today the seasons finally changed and I'm trying to take a cue from nature and let the cool air paint me another color and let everything I've been lugging around blow away. Today for the first time in probably months my dad asked me how my day had and been and the first thing that popped into my head was to tell him it was uneventful but instead I just shrugged because I'm sure he'd say something about how he wished his day had been uneventful; that work had been frustrating and it was too hot outside and on top of all that he wasn't feeling very well. I suppose I should be thankful for the cards I've been dealt; while my days are uneventful and most of the time I'm bored and lonely most people are working at jobs they hate and wish they could be at home with nothing to do and nobody to talk to. There are worse things than boredom and loneliness. Somebody's gotta look after things at home. A couple of entries ago I mentioned a show I'd watched that talked about how everybody wants a rose-colored life and how mine's been pretty gray...But now that I think about it perhaps it's appropriate that I've come to all these conclusions on the first day of  Autumn; since I'm the one who keeps the home fires burning perhaps my life isn't meant to be rose-colored or grey but red and orange like the fall. Does that make any sense? It does to me at least. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Things I Did This Summer (And A Funky Looking Pikachu)

Here is a list of things I did this summer.

1. Fell further into the Pokemon pit.

2. Found out there's an L in Ghibli and that I've been spelling/pronouncing it wrong this whole time.

3. Watched way too many Splatoon walkthroughs

4. Started reading Yotsuba&! (the cutest little manga ever).

5. Watched subbed anime for the first time/got pretty okay at reading subs.

6. Spent way too much time on the internet.

7. Didn't write.

8. Drew this funky looking Pikachu. 

9. Finished watching InuYasha and cried a lot (have I already mentioned this?).

10. Read like 20 some odd books in July (a lot of which were manga).

11. Just realized I know how to say "I'm curious" in Japanese thanks to the subbed anime.

12. Watched a few crappy old movies on Netflix.

13. Just realized how much of this stuff has ties to Japan.

14. Realized just how little I did this summer.

Well, that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much love, Gabby

In Which A Storm Is Coming

There's a hurricane coming. That's not a metaphor or anything, there is an actual hurricane that's going to hit Florida on Sunday. I, of course, spent the whole night having a panic attack about it. It is now the mid morning, I watched the sunrise slowly light up my room as I waited for dreams that didn't come. I have now given up on sleeping today. I decided to have breakfast, play a little New Leaf, and read a good chunk of the last book in what I call the My Name Is Chloe series even though the real name is Diary Of A Teenage Girl. It's tough stuff, my friends, I've been reading these books since I was but a wee freshman and now my journey with Chloe is coming to a close. These books are some of the only Christian fiction I've read and by far my favorite in the genre so I feel like I'm really loosing something here. I feel like a lot of Christian authors kinda wear badges saying "2 HOLY 4 U", they don't feel down to earth and their characters just aren't relatable. I dunno, guys. I mean, it's hard to work faith into writing, I get that, I really and truly do. Anyways, once again reading the adventures of my home girl has me thinking more about my spiritual life and how it's basically in the toilet, how I have had zero fellowship in the past year, and how badly I seriously need to find a church I'm comfortable at. Even if I was being the perfect poster child for Christianity and reading the bible and praying a million times a day I'd still need a spiritual support system. Never underestimate the importance of getting to church, gang. It's like with this hurricane that's coming; sometimes life throws a whole storm of nonsense our way and it all breaks our little spiritual forts, and that's where a church family can come in, just like a state farm agent a good church will have you covered while you clean up the mess that worldly forces have made of your spiritual life. (Heh, state farm, that's funny because we're supposed to love our neighbors (forgive me, I haven't slept)). But anyways, fingers crossed this hurricane doesn't sweep my little coastal town off the map like Frances and some other ones I can't remember the names of tried their best to. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much love, Gabby   

Colors

Summer seems to have whipped by; but then so has the rest of this year. August has always seemed sad to me; people lighting the last of their fireworks and kids clinging to their final bits of freedom... It's not that I like summer so much but rather that I hate endings. I always feel like other people seem to get a lot done between June and September, trips are taken and hobbies are honed and they all seem to have an awfully good time of it. I, on the other hand, accomplished precious little if anything at all. I'll probably look back on this summer as the one I wasted becoming a proper Otaku, I started some new manga and watched a couple of new shows and that's really it. I did enjoy doing those things but the fact that none of them actually really mattered kinda cast a shadow over the whole thing. Oh, to be one of those people who isn't mindful of the fact that they contribute nothing to the universe. I've been watching this show and the characters talk about how most people want a rose colored life but the protagonist leads a grey one, and they say that a grey life is better than one that's completely devoid of color but I honestly fail to see the difference. I've never really considered grey to be a proper color anyway; yes it's technically one but when you tell someone to name a color they'll say something like red or lavender, those are proper colors, grey is just a sad mix of white and black. Grey is a void or a storm cloud or something equally dismal, nobody wants a grey life. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby  

No Choice & No Chansey

I never in my whole life wanted to be a nurse, not even when I was itty bitty, and yet I'm always the one taking care of people whenever illness hits my household. I never had the desire to be awoken at 5 AM to the sound of my sister puking all over our room but that's something that happened. The universe doesn't care what anybody wants or did or didn't ask for, it just conspires against people who are generally decent enough human beings to not deserve to be woken up in the middle of the night by someone vomiting on the carpet. I'm seriously regretting staying up to watch InuYasha with my brother last night. Now I know things like this don't get tossed somebody's way for any true reason, there's no life lesson I'm gonna learn from cleaning puke and arguing with my older sister about whether or not she has a fever, but I can't help think that last night when I was going on about how Nurse Joy was one of my favorite Pokemon characters that some cosmic gremlin was like, "You wanna be like her? Well here ya go!". In reality, gang, the moral of this story is not to ever eat frozen meatballs because they will get some person or another violently ill. I got sick on those buggers once and it wasn't pretty (not quite "the universe hates me/cosmic forces are working against me" bad but still yucky). Come to think of it I don't believe any of the Joys had a choice in any of this nonsense either; You don't choose the nurse life, the nurse life chooses you. All the Joys had a Chansey though and I'm flying solo. I should probably attempt to get some rest and figure out how to get that nastiness out of the carpet (and her laptop, and also the closet doors...). Say a little prayer for me, dear readers, I'm gonna need it. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby 

Heat Waves & Day Dreams

Summer is in full swing here in the sunshine state. If July were a person I imagine she'd be an awful show off (yes, July is a girl), she rides in on a tropical depression, she's a pyromaniac and insists on a fireworks show to celebrate her arrival; she's a real diva that one. But still everyone loves her because, annoying as she may, be she knows how to throw some great parties. 'Round these parts the heat drives us all inside and makes us wanna hibernate, it's a great time of year to catch up on Netflix. Next year, however I'd like to drive across America with my best friend the way kids my age do in movies and YA novels. I plan on finding a small town to settle down in when the trip is done where people can have weird jobs that don't necessarily advance society but make them happy. Does such a place really exist? Probably not. Would I move there if it did? Not likely, I'd get lonely without my family. Will such a trip even actually happen? Signs point to no but I'll leave it in the hands of fate. But hey, a girl can dream. To be real with you, gang, such dreams probably fill my head because I haven't left the state in eight years and while I love my home I'm getting kinda stir crazy and I'd really like to see some more of the world before I'm in the dirt. Honestly I'd really just be happy with leaving the house a little more but that, my friends, is a rant for another time. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby 

The Summer Cold Survival Guide

*Insert lame apology for another long absence partially due to illness*.  Okay, I think I've mentioned before how I suck at handling any kind of illness but summer colds are like top shelf kinda stuff. Imagine, gang, the house is 80 degrees, you feel like you've swallowed a razor blade and hot sauce cocktail, the world is basically coming to an end. What is one to do? Well, I have decided to compile a list of the things I've found key to surviving the horrors of such an ailment.
 
1. Netflix, Netflix, Netflix. You're gonna need some distraction from your suffering and Netflix'll give you everything from Pokemon to period dramas right at your finger tips.

2. Enough soup to fill a bathtub. I opted the kind that comes in a cup because when you're ill can openers are a no.


3. Animal Crossing. Soothing music, friendly neighbors, boring chores,  it's just the ticket for reminding you what life is like for the healthy.

4. A trip down the Youtube pit. I swear, that website is like a black hole sometimes. Recently I've been binging on E3 and Splatoon walk throughs.

5. Keep a pet (or at least a stuffy) around for cuddling. When your fever or is high and the end seems at hand you're gonna need something to hug.

6. A family member to be your personal butler. Just somebody to get you juice and tissues and all that jazz. Be careful you don't milk the situation though because then you won't have anybody to fetch and carry for you next time you find yourself feeling under the weather.

7. Don't underestimate the healing power of a slurpee. Those things are magic I tell ya.  

8. Keep your electronics charged. There's nothing worse than falling down the Youtube pit only to have your device die halfway into a video.

9. Stay the away from Facebook. You're suffering enough as it is, you do not need that nonsense in your life right now.

10. Sleep it off. Make sure you have lots of comfy pillows and get some rest.


Well, that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Another Emotional Ramble About Video Games

Sometimes I get hung up on the most ridiculous things and people think I've gone a little crazy. Whether it's a single line from a book, a work of art, heck, even a certain Peanuts comic, odds are there's a creative type somewhere with a deep emotional attachment to it. Seriously, kids these days will cling to almost anything like we're at our first day of pre K and it's a security blanket. And the funny thing is it's not usually even a material object; for instance I was just watching some Wind Waker videos on Youtube with my brother and if my emotions were stars my place would look like a middle school hipster's Tumblr. I honestly feel like video games are seriously underestimated even in this day and age. In all likelihood 99.999999% percent of us won't get to sail around the world, and none of us will end up taking off in a spaceship powered by smiles with Goofy and Donald Duck (to all y'all who don't know about Kingdom Hearts that probably sounds like nonsense) and while books are a great way to live vicariously through fictional characters it's not actually your actions that are influencing whatever world the story happens to take place in. In a game you may just be solving puzzles and mashing buttons but in some small way you really become the hero and I think that's dandy. In a way video games can be more than just an escape from the dullness of the day to day, they make you feel powerful; you're saving worlds, your helping solve that universe's problems while forgetting your own. Now the games I've referenced both evoke very different emotions and this can be summarized pretty nicely by talking about their opening themes. Let's start with Wind Waker, if you've played this game you know that cheerful tune that plays in the main menu, it makes me want to do a jig and run off on an adventure shouting "HYAH HA!". And then there's KH... Oh Dearly Beloved, what words shall I use to describe you? Kingdom Hearts was one of the first non Mario type games I ever played and the melancholy menu music has all the workers in the thought factory slamming their first on the nostalgia button. Now don't take this as me putting books down or saying they're not as good as gaming, that's not it at all. Both of reading and gaming are different escape roots from metaphorical dungeon of anxiety and they're both amazing. Basically, guys, it's three in the morning, I've got a lot of emotions, and what I'm trying to say is video games are really something else and I'll always have a special place in my heart for them. I could go on and on but that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby     

The Whirlwind Weekend

This past weekend a trip to Disney was taken which I didn't talk about because I am a superstitious piece of crud and thought if I counted the imaginary chicken it wouldn't hatch like the last time. It was a real whirlwind of a time and wasn't without incidents but we all made it home alright. On the way up there we saw a hearse with a hitchhiking ghost sticker on the back window and I got the worst picture of it ever which isn't even worth posting. I have to admire the drivers sense of humor though. We stayed at a place just outside Disney property that had a bunch of peacocks running around for some unknown reason; they woke me up at 6:30 AM the first morning. We saw them everywhere we went, they were just chilling by the pool with some random cat, I named the first one I saw and then promptly forgot what it was I had named him, the second one I came across I called Archie. The hotel was nice and more like an apartment than a hotel, I suppose it was a time share or something, and it was pretty homey. We went the Magic Kingdom the first night and then had to leave thanks to a serious thunder storm but we at least got to walk down Mainstreet which always puts a little pep in my step. The next day myself, my mother, and sister sneaked off for breakfast at Waffle House and I had orange juice for the first time in probably a few years. I then realized why I had been avoiding it for so long. After that was the trip to the pool where the peacocks and the cat were sighted and I thought my sister was going to get her eyes pecked out taking a picture of those birds. That evening it was back to Magic Kingdom, this time to actually make it onto some rides and such. Riding before we left we were having ice cream on Mainstreet and I was singing along to the Hello Dolly instrumental and this girl a few tables over was also singing along. She forgot the lyrics for a minute and then I started singing and then she started singing again. We didn't acknowledge it or say anything to each other but it was a soul sibling moment.  The next day I was up incredibly early for my oldest friend's graduation which would've also been mine had I not opted out of walking. It was the first I'd ever been to since both of my siblings also opted out and if I remember anything about it it will be that one kid said he wanted to be a Ninja Turtleologist and the rap a very white kid did about his homeschooling experience. Homeschool graduations are two things, 1. Cringey and 2. Incredibly long. When the last girl walked across the platform she got one of the biggest cheers I'd ever heard in my life. Now I can honestly say that I don't feel bad for not walking anymore, after talking with my friend's future sister in law about how she might not walk at her college graduation I realize that it's something that's not for everyone and that's okay. Honestly I'd been dreading it a little because I felt like I was letting a lot of people down by not doing it, the night before I even had a good long cry about it, but now it just seems silly. After pictures were taken and lunch was had we took the graduate back to our hotel so we could all change and head to Disney. We ended up going to Epcot for about five seconds so I could get a Whisper Of The Heart print. I got to chat a bit with the girl working at the counter about the movie, which was cool. Every time I go to Epcot I find myself fangirling with some random stranger. I love the way fandoms bring people together, it's just the neatest thing. And then it was off to MGM (or Hollywood Studios if you're more with the times than me and my family) for the last night of Star Wars weekends, which meant dancing to some club remixes of things in front of where the hat used to be, taking a ride on Star Tours (one of my favorite rides), and watching the fireworks show set to the music from the movies. And then finally the next day we said goodbye to the peacocks and headed to Animal Kingdom before heading home. There it rained for a bit, and then if we hadn't already been soaked enough the whole group got on the rapids ride which we rode twice and got stuck on once. And then after a terrifying ride on Dinosaur it was time to leave. On the way out I found an initial necklace on the ground. It's a golden J and a crystal Mickey and we didn't find the owner. I hope J was able to get another necklace though. It's siting on my bookshelf right now because I'm not really sure what to do with it. Well, that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby     

A Pile Of Mildly Interesting Things

Things have happened, gang. Not very interesting things but I figured if I let them all pile up after a while they'd amount to something mildly interesting. Firstly I take back everything I said about Payless being a window into tennis shoe heaven; it is, in fact, more like a cat door, I can see what's there but I can't get to the other side. Of course I had to be in between sizes, naturally they didn't have a seven and a halves, and it made perfect sense that every pair I went to try on had one of those security things latched on to one shoe so they were impossible to lace up. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I'll have to wear ugly slip ons that look like something out of Zenon because of my gosh danged flat feet. In other news Mothers Day is a thing that happened and a very nice time was had. Myself, mother of mine, and the sibs packed into the car to go to a green market by the by some water in another town. Window shopping was done, the ladies of the family got matching necklaces (I suggested my brother get a carved wooden turtle to commemorate the occasion but no dice), and a walk was taken on a boardwalk sort of thing that lead nowhere where I carved Bad Wolf into the railing with my house key. All in all it was a pleasant sort of day and apparently we're going back that way again this weekend to check out a flea market. Also earlier this week I was organizing my brother's video game collection (which he didn't ask/want me to do but I did anyway) and I  found our Gameboy SP chargers. Once my pink one that was a gift from my grandparents was charged I indulged in a bit of retro gaming by playing my old favorite, Dogz. When I tell you I spent months worth of time over the years training pixelated puppies in this game it probably isn't an overstatement. I was impressed to see I actually still really enjoyed it. The setting in the some random Japanese town and chibi graphics mix in a really charming kawaii overload sort of way. Speaking of kawaii today I said to myself, "You know what, self? I'm running out of shows to watch, Pokemon is on Netflix, let's do this!". To which I then replied, "Why? Why are you such a five year old?". Let me tell you I wasn't instantly on the train. I ended up texting a friend about it. And I quote,
I have so much to do today that I started watching Pokemon.

It's one of the dumbest shows I've ever seen.

I'm on episode six.

I am now on episode 20 or so. I took a tumble down the rabbit hole, gang, and it looks like I'll be floating around in this black hole for a while. The reason I started Pokemon aside from sheer boredom? I finally finished the very last Artemis Fowl and now I have nothing to read again. During this I was in the waiting room of a doctors office surrounded by judgmental snow birds so I couldn't shed any tears; but in all honesty, peeps, it didn't traumatize me as much as I had expected it to. Perhaps that was because I'd had the ending spoiled a bit for me and knew how things would pan out? Maybe it had something to do with me being jaded by endings of various other series? Who can really say? I must say this though, I'm very depressed that there are no more new adventures to be had with Arty and company. Artemis was with me through some real dark times and I'm sure gonna miss reading about my favorite criminally inclined genius. Well, that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

The People You See In Payless

Whenever a trip to any kind of clothing store is taken and I find the  exact thing I have been searching for for a dogs age two things happen: 1. I don't have any money. 2. My mother isn't with me so I can't ask her for said thing if it's something I need. Today it was tennis shoes in Payless. Finding shoes is a great challenge for me, I have flat feet that hurt like I'm 80 years old so finding something nice and comfy that is also cute is the struggle. And then today I was there with my sister (who walked out with a very cute pair of flats that I am muchly jealous of) and it was like the clouds parted and I caught a glimpse of tennis shoe heaven. They were all squishy, cute, and on sale. I, of course, didn't have a penny on me, nor the proper time to find the right fit (because in addition to my feet being flat they are also wide, I'm basically a duck). But what truly made this detour to Payless noteworthy were the people that were there. Let's start at the beginning. My sister and I entered the store and she went straight for the tiny shoes because she's got the feet of Cinderella; said aisle was half women's shoes and half children's and there was a mother and son shopping for sneakers, nothing wrong with that, but then things took a turn for the odd and exasperating. Firstly the kid was whizzing around the store like Speedy Gonzales, which is perhaps would be forgivable if the store weren't so tiny and he didn't almost crash into everyone in it... Secondly there was the fact that these people were foreign, nothing wrong with that either, but the kind of nasty foreign people who cut lines at Disney world and make salespeople's lives a living hell. The mother kept speaking in this throaty language that I at first thought was German, and then something middle eastern, and then my sister guessed it was South American in origin. And I was having such a tiring day and was so mentally sapped that it took everything in me not to crack up because whatever language this was sounded completely ridiculous, like something out of Star Trek perhaps. And then when I moved on to look in my size in came a mother and teeny bopper daughter. I was just minding my own, lookin' at shoes, and this nasty English lady gave me the dirtiest look for no reason whatsoever. Perhaps she could read my mind because she said something to her daughter like, "Not those, you'll look like Minnie Mouse" and I thought to myself, "The heck is wrong with looking like Minnie???". Finally my sister decided to check out. The line was very slow going thanks to some kinda something wrong with the card machine and the first nasty foreign lady antagonized the life out of the poor girl behind the counter. Then the same problem occurred while my sister was checking out and I was sorta roaming around the store looking at things and this woman in line behind us was starring at me with her mouth open wide like I had just bitten the head off a live puppy. Trust me, gang, if it weren't for all those glorious tennis shoes I wouldn't be going back to Payless for a long long time. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Race Horses And Loading Screens

Is it really already May? This year is getting away from me faster than a hyperactive five year old on a sugar high. My days have been filled with unremarkable nothings, a bit of reading, a lot of Animal Crossing, many episodes of House Hunters, etc. "Unremarkable nothings" probably sounds like something a student would put in an essay when trying to hit word count but I am fond of simple things and have been known to take pleasure in the right sort of nothing. I feel like such of nothings are a rarity these days and a true and proper something is practically confined to fiction. To put it plainly, life is boring, gang. I suppose it's just that time of year where nothing is really happening and everyone is putting all their hopes and dreams toward a perfect summer when in reality they'll all just end up going about their regular routines. I find summer to be an overrated season and really don't understand people's tendency to romanticize it. It's like June and July are race horses that people wait all year to bet their happiness on. Oh, I've finally gathered the courage to read the last Artemis Fowl book. I've heard this one's a real heart breaker so I shall have to see about getting some tissues as well as finding a rebound book. Just once I'd like to read something that wasn't emotionally traumatic in any way. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed the writing, characters, and world of the Artemis books so it's going to be a serious bummer when it's all over. It's always a pity when you reach that last page and realize that in that world, with those characters, there are no more adventures to be had. Sometimes I feel like life's like that too. There's so much cool stuff to do in the world but I feel like most of us won't ever get the chance to do any of it. It's like getting all jazzed to play Age Of Empires or something only to get stuck at the loading screen forever. (Does that make any sense? Probably not). I know my example is seriously antiquated but those games were the coolest. I think we still have a couple of them somewhere...I should see if they work on this old laptop of mine. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Notes From A Couchridden Convalescent

Once again we have a huge gap between entries, this time due to the fact that I have fallen ill. Well, I got sick on Sunday and I've been spending the whole week convalescing. I won't go into gruesome details. I, like any person with sense in their head, hate being sick. But whenever I get actually properly sick I get seriously sick. We're talking bedridden, the whole nine yards, gang. I forget what it's like to not be sick, surely there can't be anything beyond such an illness, it's the end for me, time to decide who my books go to when I'm gone. Only now am I seeing the light at the end of this terrible dark tunnel. You know how when you stick one of those fizzy bath bombs in water they sorta just dissolve into nothingness? That's sorta how I feel. Another reason I hate being sick is that I end up looking like something out of a horror movie, I'm already awfully pale so when the nights are filled with sneezing instead of sleeping the dark circles under my eyes get real, as does the rest of the struggle. Also I can't wait to have real food again; days have been filled with Gatorade, Cup Of Soups, and Italian Ice. According the the doctor I should be better by Monday. I shall count the minutes until I can arise from under a mountain of tissues and go out in the sunshine again. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby      

Choking On Hourglass Sand

Thus far we had managed to go without any April showers in my corner of the sunshine state, until today that is. As I've said before, when there's a thunder storm down here it's on a biblical level. I hate this weather, gang, even since I was little thunder storms have scared the living heck out of me. That may or may not have something to do with a couple of hurricanes messing shiz up during my developmental years. Summer has once again come early to my part of the universe, searing heat, storms that have me wanting to pack everybody up in an ark, all that lovely jazz. Generally I haven't been a fan of summer since I was little and the change of seasons meant family cookouts and plenty of pool time. Right now everything past summer is a black hole of uncertainty and terror. I wish everything would just slow the heck down, it's like Father Time's dragging me along on one of those backpack leashes and I'm screaming, and digging in my heels, and just generally throwing an, "I DON'T WANT TO GO!" sort of tantrum. I'm supposed to have at least a vague plan for the future, something that includes a job, a major, and eventually the white picket fence cliche. You know that bit in Aladdin where Jasmine gets trapped in the giant hourglass and the sand is threatening to suffocate her? That's sorta how I feel. But Aladdin isn't going to come along and break me out and save the day, this one's on me. Oh hey, I finally finished the first Pendragon book a couple of days ago, it was good, I'll probably read the next one, nothing extraordinary. Now I'm back where I was a little while ago when my only reading options were rereads or the end of different series. A trip to the library is in order. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Flipping Tables And Breaking Down Walls

So apparently my town has a green market; my mother took me today, it was filled with snowbirds and other people who make a habit of getting up before 2 PM on a Sunday. There were people selling honey, and veggies, and apple cider doughnuts that it was way too hot for but I ate anyway. Honestly the whole thing reminded me of Pushing Daisies, I pegged this one creepy guy who ran the flower stand and was wearing a bell pepper shirt as the criminal. I don't think I've mentioned this but the town I live in is really big with the richy rich northerners so this whole thing was at this new downtown area with all these snooty shops, this made for a pretty boring search for air conditioning. Also the only bathroom was in this really weird hotel and guess who had to pop in to use the loo? Yep, this girl. It was all very modern and I'm sure it would've looked cool in 2002. But hey, air conditioning. I swear we skipped from spring straight to the hellish inferno known as summer. Also when this place opened they said they were putting in a Hot Topic, it has been five months and still no dang Hot Topic! But yeah, despite my complaining I actually did have a nice time. Anyways, after a brief trip home it was out again, this time for Italian. I won't go into details about dinner but there was a weird waiter who was actually from Italy lurking around and certain family members decided to misbehave and I wanted to flip the table. Now I am once again home and still find myself with an only slightly less intense desire to throw furniture around. My father is watching Elementary though so that could have something to do with it. In other news I've actually managed to get over my reading rut and into the first Pendragon book, which is great, and also broken through a long standing writers block and rewritten the first chapter of a novel I've been working on for a few years now. A couple of entries ago I mentioned that I often feel a great sense of accomplishment when I get stupid things done but let me tell you this time it's validated. I haven't honestly gotten proper book writing done in probably over a year thanks to a malfunctional computer and a lot of other crap I won't even get into. I felt like how I imagine the Israelites did when the wall of Jericho came crumbling down. I just realized I still have leftovers from dinner and now that I'm home they won't be in my throat so that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby      

Spaghetti Days

Sometimes life leaves me feeling like overcooked spaghetti, all wobbly and about to fall apart. On spaghetti days my brain spits out the idea that I'm sick since it's the only rational explanation for feeling like such utter crap and everything becomes extremely depressing. You know when you go to turn off your computer and the color drains out of the screen? That's sorta how it feels. It seems that this mushy pasta state is the result of fighting anxiety, sometimes my thought factory can't compute all the nastiness floating around so things shut down for a while until they can be properly reset. Lately there's been a lot of stress to deal with, I think of it like viruses that the little engineers in the thought factory don't know how to deal with, so the power goes out and they all sit around in the dark waiting for the IT guy (which would be something happy) to set things back to normal. This isn't a very easy thing to explain to people either, my brain is basically running on E so rather than being able to give a proper explanation for my mopy behavior I just end up mumbling that I'm tired. And that's actually the truth, I've found spaghetti days to be a state of physical and emotional exhaustion. More often than not I don't really have the energy to explain this, and my brain is so completely done with the world that the only thing to do seems to be sitting around and waiting for that metaphorical IT guy. It feels like I'm a magnet for bad vibes. Occasionally the thought engineers will get tired of waiting for the tech support and turn the system back on, because just maybe the viruses have magically gone away, and immediately about five thousand screaming popups invade every computer screen, they all slam their hands down on a big red button, and once again they find themselves waiting in the dark. I am seriously tired of feeling like I've been left in hot water for too long. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Sorry this one was so depressing. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby      

Rain, Rain, Go Away

With spring officially sprung the birds are singing, the sky is blue, and all of nature is at its best and brightest. Just kidding, this isn't a Cadbury advert. Down here in Florida springtime means rain. And not just little showers followed by rainbows and sunshine, oh no, this is rain on a biblical level. I don't know why I thought the change of seasons would give me a break from soul sucking darkness; winter in Florida is gloom, spring is gloom and doom. Today it was so bad that I took the dog and hid in my room until it'd stopped storming. Whenever there's a really bad thunder storm I tend to turn into Piglet in that one part in The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh when "the rain rain rain came down down down" and totally freak out. I'm always afraid the house is gonna be blown to pieces or something. Spring is just such a disappointment, man; Every year I expect sunshine and fun times and I get a mini apocalypse. In dark times such as these people tend to go off in search of a little extra cheer, and so this evening myself, the siblings, and madre braved the weather and set off in search of snackety snacks. After some Taco Bell and donuts we all feel a little better. Nothing soothes the soul like some junk food. There's really not much else to report at the moment besides this ridiculous weather. I'm currently trying to make my way through the first Pendragon book, but I haven't really been able to get into it so it's slow going. I've honestly just been in zombie mode lately, spending hours on Pinterest, watching anime, doing basically anything but reading or writing. My brain seems to be taking a vacation at the moment. I shall do like the hipsters do and go on a search for inspiration. I'll try and find something to clear the cobwebs out of my head. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby   

Night Of The Creepy Crawler

Last night at 3 AM the air was thick with the scent of Old Spice and hairspray and an aura of panic hung over all those awake at the ungodly hour. My brother and I were just trying to watch some anime, we were blissfully unaware that while we watched Inuyasha battle demons a real life monster lurked in the shadows just waiting for a chance to pounce. When my brother told me he had a string or something on his foot I instantly tensed, when he started hopping around frantically I knew, there was a roach in the room. Being the brave warrior that I am I fled to the other side of the room, commanded my brother to throw the door open, and ran like Sonic The Hedgehog to the kitchen. "But, Gabby, it's just a bug!" you say. Nah, gang, if that's your reaction you don't know about the monsters down here in the south. These things are devil spawn, man. If they go for somebody you better get your butt in gear and hightail it outta there. My brother kept trying to get my assistance in the hunt, which I naturally refused to give, so we ended up having a whisper shout fight in the kitchen until I could bolt to my room. He later poked his head in to inform me that he had vanquished the enemy and also that he hated me. The worst bit is not that I will have to deal with the grudge I have no doubt my brother won't let go of for a few days or even years, no, it's the fact that I had to go retrieve my laptop I had left at the scene of the crime. I have no idea if that nasty little creature crawled on this thing, hopefully the cleaning I gave it will keep any deadly germs from sticking around. I learned  something from all this, dear readers, I learned that when push comes to shove I can run like, well not the Flash, but perhaps Kid Flash? That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby      

Memories And What Accompanies Them

The human race is a collection of curious creatures, like dragons in a fairy tale we tend to hoard things we find valuable, these things tend not to be as valuable as silver or gold though; they can be photographs, snow globes, books, a blanket, etc. Another curiosity is how the amount of value we put in material items tends to depend on the giver and not the gift. For instance last Christmas I had an uncle I hardly speak to give me some very expensive perfume, it's been sitting in the box it came in on the bottom of my bookshelf since December and I've yet to use it once; my parents got me a notebook with a quote by Walt Disney on the cover and I have treasured it dearly. Today my mother broke a plate she's had for ages and ages, it was from the golden days when the economy was good and trips were taken and gifts given often, when I was helping her pick up the pieces and she was talking about how sad she was that it'd broken something she said stood out to me. She had a long day at work so it was in a very tired voice she said, "Your father gave that to me". I had gone years without any idea of where this plate had come from, I'd thought she'd picked it up herself to spruce up the house...It's funny how something as simple as a plate with a rooster on it can represent a person's love and a multitude of happy memories. We've moved many times over the years and each time this or that trinket of my mother's would go missing, it's a terrible thing to think of all these things that could stir up happy memories being lost in a hurricane of bubble wrap and cardboard. I myself have loads of things that broadcast flashbacks of way back when on a big screen in my brain, but here's the thing about memories, gang, even the happy ones become sad when you realize you'll never have days like those again. Places change, people lose touch, loved ones pass away...I think of it like this, for every sunny day there's some clouds later on down the line, the clouds have silver linings but they're clouds nonetheless. I understand that if we were happy all the time the good times probably wouldn't feel as good, you need a storm before you get a rainbow and all of that jazz, but the depression that accompanies looking back is one such downpour I could do without. Okay, I'm sure that the entire human race doesn't feel quite so blue when taking a stroll down memory lane but I am an over thinker and can only give can only tell you what I see when glancing behind me. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby     

The Creative Process In All Its Weirdness

The creative process is weird, today I found myself hunched over my notebook and somehow my scrunchie ended up wrapped around one of my toes instead of on my wrist or in my hair. When the muse hits I scribble furiously, I can't draw but I like to play with different kinds of handwriting and attempt little things like stars. There are a lot of ugly little stars scattered throughout the pages of my notebook, they're easy to draw and a good filler when the words I've written look lonely against the white paper. When actual proper pencil and paper writing goes down I become rather oblivious to the world around me, I let my hair slide its way out of whatever sloppy style I've tied it up in, I miss meals, forget about chores, etc. A lot of artistic types claim that everything pauses when the muse hits them, I don't find that the case though. It's not really that time stops or even slows down for me, it's that I ignore it passing. Creativity turns me into a recluse, I coop myself up in my room, hiding from anything noisy and distracting. Hours later when I choose to rejoin the human race I find that a movie marathon has gone on without me or everyone has gone to bed. I don't like it when that happens, I need to work on being less of a hermit crab but tragically my muse is an antisocial creature and likes to do things on its own terms. The recluse thing is seriously something I need to work on, I tend to lose my sense of zen when out and about, I'm quiet by nature and easily overwhelmed, it's becoming rather problematic. I find that my mind over processes things, so when there's a lot to take in the gears in my thought factory start smoking and the imaginary engineers press the alarm and abandon their posts and go running off like chickens with their heads cut off. I guess I should explain the thought factory thing, huh? I don't when I started doing this but somehow that phrase about gears turning made me think up a factory in my head with a bunch of little mes in hard hats and coveralls working on loud steampunkish machines. So when I have a hard time processing something I try to explain to people how the Gabbys in the thought factory have pressed the mayday button and sirens are going off and the lights are flashing red. They never really get it so I usually just say I have a headache. Now that I'm thinking about it a ridiculous amount of  detail has gone into the thought factory. There's all these different divisions, like the ones who handle processing school related information (those guys suck at their jobs), and the ones who deal with cooking (they sit in the corner crying most of the time), and each division has a supervisor which is a little me dressed up in a lab coat and glasses. The only area without a lab coat me is the creative department, that's lorded over by a personification of my muse. Wow, I didn't actually now how overly thought out this was until I wrote it all down. I'm a strange person, gang. That's gonna be it for now. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby 

Literature And Lil Uns

Today I had dinner with my little cousins and uncle at my Titi's house, we had Chinese food from my favorite takeout place and it was all very pleasant. Post chow down while my uncle was fixing my Titi's freezer and she was standing by chatting to him I found myself talking with the kiddos about reading. They went on and on about their schools reading point system, which had me more than a bit confused and then rather annoyed after they'd explained it to me. So my cousins are in middle school and have never had the love of reading my siblings and I do, generally it's something I believe to be do to extremely different parenting styles and the public school system sucking any joy from books; the system at their school isn't very helpful either, I can get having them write out things for reading comp and all that but they fact that they can only read books from their schools very limited library ticks me off to no end. I've often talked books with the younger of the cousins who is 11, I've planned numerous trips to the library over the years that have never panned out, I've loaned her books she never ended up even opening, it's seems everything has been tried...So today when she suggested I make her a list of books to check out over Spring break I was dancing on the inside, as soon as I got home I was scouring my bookshelves to find anything that might be of interest to her. And yes, I could just loan them to her but that child is famous for loosing things only for them to turn up in pieces six months later. Besides, a trip to the library never hurt anyone. Sadly despite her interest I'm not certain that once I hand over the list she'll ever read anything on it, as I said, this isn't my first attempt to get her into reading. It infuriates me how children these days can't stand to read because they're so burned out from school; reading is one of the great joys of life, it's an escape from this world and all its problems and that's something I think it's very important to have at that age. From middle school onward people are awful and life can be pretty grueling so being able to have a form of levity at ones fingertips that expands the mind instead of damaging it like some other things kids can pick up is something I am a great believer in. Another thing I talked with them about is not feeling bad for liking things because they think they're too old for them. When I was their age I read books about ponies and princesses and though I thoroughly enjoyed them I was very embarrassed by what people would think seeing me reading such things. A few years later when I started watching Avatar I was similarly ashamed. Recently however I realized that looking back it was perfectly reasonable to be reading certain books and watching certain shows when I did because 11 is a whole heck of a lot younger than I thought it was. That's basically what I told my cousins. Nowadays I still watch cartoons and read books about princesses and find myself caring a whole lot less what people think, just because I'm in my teens doesn't mean I have to watch CW shows and only read John Green novels, I don't want to look back and wished I'd gotten into something sooner and not cared if  people thought I was stupid for liking it. My eyes were opened to a stunning truth, people don't really care that much about these things, and if they're ragging on you because you like lighthearted stuff you don't need that kinda crap in your life. Doing things like rereading Paddington Bear and watching House Of Mouse on Youtube with my brother on occasion make my happy meter fill up, and if that thing reaches E I stop running. The point I'm trying to make is that you should never feel you have to apologize for liking something that makes you happy, gang. As long as it's not anything bad you just keep doing your thing. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby       

God And Gaming

In any religion you will constantly find people challenging your faith, "Well if your God is real then why does (insert problem here) happen?". I try not to let it get to me, I get angry and annoyed but I don't lose my faith because someone decided to pick a fight with me or any other Christian. But sometimes people aren't the only thing putting our faith to the test. You've probably noticed by now that I have a problem with anxiety, this has lead to lots of sleepless nights and unanswered questions; Why does God let me go on feeling so terrible all the time? Where is this incredible peace the bible talks about when I'm having a panic attack? It's an awful thing to admit but these questions cross my mind a lot. People have told me to give it to God more times than I can count, to pray, read my bible, etc. But it's tough stuff, man. While the bible has a bounty of help verses it doesn't say anything I can recall about anxiety except, "Don't be anxious about anything, instead pray about everything"... Cut to me dealing with a serious case of "Shouting At The Ceiling Syndrome" aka feeling like God's put me on call waiting. It's not that I don't believe in God, I do, I really really do, but sometimes I feel like he's just left me hanging, like with all the problems in this nasty world he's forgotten about me. I tried talking to people about these feelings but they just send me right on back to the "Don't worry about anything" square. Easy for them to say, they don't constantly feel like their personal universe could collapse at any moment. It's like my feelings are Godzilla and I'm the populace of Tokyo.  Okay, time for a slight change of topic and a tragic confession: One of the few things that would help me when having a panic attack would be playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf on my 3DS. I dunno what it was about that game, maybe it was that I pretty much controlled everything, maybe the fact that the villagers were all nice (minus this one snot named Amelia) and everything was just generally chilled out, I dunno, but it sure helped. And then late December it suddenly decided to stop charging and now it seems to have passed on. Back when I still had Christmas money I'd hope to take it to gamestop and get it fixed, apparently they don't fix things or sell batteries and it's way beyond my budget to send it off to Nintendo for them to fix. So my precious DS I worked for months at a miserable babysitting job for is sitting in a drawer in my bookshelf, gathering dust and being utterly useless. I know it sounds stupid but I miss my town, gang, I miss all my animal neighbors and being able to play until I felt better. I dunno how this jumped from God to video games but perhaps my subconscious is saying something like my spiritual DS is dead so I can't reach the place where I'm chilled out and in tune with God...I dunno, guys. That one sounds pretty out there even to me. Forgive the rambling sleep deprived loony. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby     

The Dapper Dilemma Part II: A Stormy Solution

Note to self: Don't count your figurative chickens, don't even talk about them, otherwise they are doomed not to hatch. Apparently there are going to be thunder storms across the whole of the state this coming weekend, and you know what that means? No Dapper Day for me. Is it bad to say that while being a little bummed out I'm also kind of relieved that the trip is off? Don't get me wrong, I wanted to go to Disney, I really wanted to go to Disney, but is it bratty to say that I'd rather go on more of my own terms? That is without a tight schedule for meet ups, a boat ride I don't really like normally, and crowding the carousel with a bunch of other dapper people so no normally dressed people ruin any pictures that might be taken? The last bit honestly sound pretty jerky to me, it's Disney world, people save for months or even years to go there, they travel thousands of miles, they should be able to ride the carousel without a bunch of fancy people cutting them off. Maybe that's just a me thing, I don't know. The worst part about this is that today I had to tell my friend who had really got her hopes up about it that we weren't going. And that's something I don't think is fair since my sister was the one who told her we were going in the first place. But yeah, since this was to be the makeup for a kind of lack luster birthday due to my mother being sick and certain family members not caring enough to give me a happy birthday phone call (it's a thing with our family, I dunno how it started but if you don't get the phone call from someone it's a big deal) I honestly feel a little bit...happy that we get to do it some other time at a more chilled pace? I know I'm being totally selfish but if something is meant to be for someone's birthday I think it ought to be at least a little bit about what they want to do. Honestly all I want to do it get my birthday button from the place where they give them out on main street, do my thing in magic kingdom, and then hop over to EPCOT to check out some of the stuff in the Japan pavilion without anybody telling me to hurry up. Honestly I prayed about this trip when I was feeling anxious and told God that if he wanted us to go then he could give us the green light and if he didn't that was okay too. Does that sound completely stupid and shallow? Does this whole thing? I dunno, gang, this is just where I'm at right now and I'm sorry if it's stupid and first world problem-y but it's what I've got going on. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby  

The Proverbial Light (Or The Dapper Dilemma)

Last night at 4 AM I wrote something in my notebook that I forgot about until this afternoon, I couldn't remember what it was but I was sure it was super duper deep...In my special Disney world leather notebook in very fancy writing it said, "My life is a big box of honey bunches of nopes". That's basically a perfect summary of how things have been going lately. You remember those brownies? Well if a sponge and gum had a chocolate flavored baby that would be them. They're still sitting on the stove bringing shame upon me. In the midst of my series of unfortunate events that I shan't bother going into detail about there shines a great proverbial light in the distance. The distance is exactly a week from today, the light is the fireworks of Disney world. I'm going next weekend with my sister and my oldest friend for Dapper Day, and I must confess gang, even that's got me nervous. If you're not familiar with it Dapper Day is an event that takes place in Magic Kingdom and Disneyland in March and then again at Hollywood Studios and Disneyland again in the fall at some point, during this time people come from all over decked out in their vintage Sunday best. Wigs are bought, months are spent looking for the perfect dress, and there's winged eyeliner as far as the eye can see. I've never been especially great at hair and makeup, gang, and though  my friend who is a professional  makeup artist is going to take care of all that for me my mind is not completely at ease, for you see there is still the matter of finding something to wear. I haven't really got anything appropriate for old school fanciness. I mean, I've got a dress but no shoes or anything, and the chances of finding a fairy godmother to take care of it in this day and age are slim to none. I'm sure we'll have a grand old time, it's Disney for goodness sakes, but I can't help but worry that I'll end up looking like a potato next to the rest of my group and my sister's friends that we're meeting there. I know this is the kind of shallow first world problem stuff that's extremely annoying to hear about but it's a dilemma in Gabby world. My sister assured me that all the people who go are nice and nobody'll rag on you for what you wear but I really don't want to feel like a ragamuffin amongst a bunch of people who look like they walked out of an Audrey Hepburn movie. I was planning on wearing my hair in pigtails with a '50s style dress I've had sitting in the back of my closet, if everyone else was going to look glamorous I could at least be the cutesy one, and then it didn't fit and I cursed the forces of the universe for once again working against my favor. Now it seems I'll be wearing this odd Chinese looking dress which is much more formfitting than I would like, that is to say it doesn't have the preferred twirlablity (I assure you I don't be walking around Disney in anything scandalous), and it doesn't really sleeves and I'm not very found of the way my arms look and I also tend to get cold. First world problems abound like woodland creatures in a princess movie. And now I must journey to the airport to be a part of my Titi's welcome home party. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby   

The Chronicles Of Cookery Part II: The Brownies

I have previously mentioned how my skills in the kitchen are lacking. I have also mentioned how in a Hispanic family that makes me a bit of a black sheep; a girl ought to be able to cook, it's practically a law of our culture. Today there was yet another incident in the kitchen and I have come away very much disenchanted with the culinary arts. Never mind the fact that I've been on lunch duty ever since my mother started her new job and been doing an okay job, never mind that neither of my older siblings have offered their services, forget the fact that I've gone a good bit of time without screwing anything up too badly, today I messed up the measurements while baking brownies and it is to be my eternal shame. I asked my sister to help me make them, but she opted to sit on the couch glued to her phone as if it were a life preserver and she were stranded at sea. When I told her she could lick the spoon once I put the brownies in the pan she came running like The Flash and then stopped to point out how runny the batter was (which it hadn't been when I left the kitchen to make the generous offer of a bowl full of leftover batter all for her) and then call our mother in to make a spectacle of my miscalculation. Of course she ignored the fact that I'd asked if she'd wanted to do it in the first place, I failed and that is something that is apparently enjoyable to revel in. My mother consoled me, told me they'd come out just like cake and that it wasn't that bad a failure... And then when my sister wouldn't stop ragging on me and I tried to fight back she informed me how she'd had a hard enough day at work and didn't need my drama. My drama! As if my sister weren't the one antagonizing me! Aren't older siblings supposed to be supportive? Or is that as fictional as Tadashi Hamada and the March sisters? The brownies are still in the oven, hopefully they turn out decent and don't taste like the humiliation I'm feeling right now. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby   

A Great Victory & The Ice Queen Incident

Happy March, gang! May it be a less dreary month than its predecessor. So, good people of the internet, I am very proud and more than slightly shocked to report that I read a grand total of 14 books last month! Okay, granted three were comic books and another four were manga but I'mma count 'em anyways. 14 books, guys! I will probably not be matching that anytime soon (if ever) so I'm taking this chance to revel in my victory. Some other things have happened during my absence. For instance during a trip to Walmart I heard a father telling his children, "Elsa isn't real! Thank God". Needless to say his daughter who couldn't have been older than eight was crushed, this news led to her brother proclaiming his hatred of Elsa and the sister proclaiming her hatred of him. That day in Walmart the dreams of a young child, a pillow display, and a brother/sister relationship were destroyed. I could write a book filled with the weird things I witness in Walmart. One time there was this lady with a purse shaped like a chicken... Anyways, the last of the books I finished was a fantasy called Jinx by Sage Blackwood ( which is seriously the pen name-yest of pen names) and I loved it. The setting, characters, and writing were all primo. The magic system was interesting, the protagonist wasn't out shined by the side characters (a problem I have with a lot of books), and the world in which the book was set had an overall eeriness about it that kept my eyes glued to the pages. I can't wait to read the sequel. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby      

A Lackluster Read And The Silent Sanctuary

Much has happened since I wrote last, dear readers. Days have passed, a lackluster novel has been read, a trip to the library has been taken, and a frozen pizza has met with a terrible fate. We've got a lot to cover so let's start with the low point. Last week I was searching through the books at goodwill and stumbled across a middle grade novel I'd seen in the "you might also like" thing on Barnes and Nobel, the book was called The Flame of Olympus (I later learned that this is the first book in the Pegasus series), the price and the review from Rick Riordan on the front cover assured me I had very little to lose, and so I picked it up. I'm just gonna list some of my problems with this book, if you want a summary you shall have to look elsewhere.

1. I felt the author picked the wrong protagonist. Emily was a very lacking character and I much would have preferred Paeleon (or however you spell his name) who still wasn't the best character but at least had some personality.

2. Roman gods instead of Greek ones. Why? Why feel the need to do that?

3. The dialogue was weird. Everyone talked a bit...old fashioned? I dunno, when characters say things like "It is" instead of "It's" constantly it gets on my nerves. It was understandable for the Olympians but for the rest of the characters, most of which were supposed to be New Yorkers, just no.

4. It never actually said how old the main character was. Seriously it NEVER said! I just sort of assumed she was in the 10 to 12 rang.

5. Insta-friendship between Emily and this kid Joel who she'd never met. Honestly, he's the meanest kid in her class but then once he meets Pegasus he just magically becomes friendly?

6. We never learned where the bad guys came from or what they wanted. I mean, it's a series so I guess that could be explained in later books but...yeah..
 
I could go on, gang, I really could but I won't. Let's move on to better times, namely my trip to the library. Now when thinking about the library my brain tends to highlight the negative, how they never seem to have that one book I've been dying to read in, the judgmental glances I get when walking into the children's section to look for books, etc. But there are so many good things about the library, gang, and one of my favorite things is that it's so beautifully quiet. Allow me explain why this fact is such a standout: I have two modes, mode one is me being ridiculously loud and obnoxious and mode two tends to make people think I'm mute, generally I'm in mode two and it feels like the rest of the world is constantly in mode one, so a place where quiet is enforced is joyous. Another cool thing is that the librarian who helped me and my madre check out had all these Disney pins on the lanyard her badge was on. Of course being the special snowflake that I am I was too shy to tell her that I thought she was rocking those pins. I'm not even gonna get into the pizza story, guys. I will simply tell you that this one wasn't actually my fault and I seriously regret trying to eat it. That's it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby         

About Balloons

Yesterday I was talking to my mother and I recalled her telling me to write a power ballad about my feelings on the subject but I couldn't recall what the subject was. I now remember though I still don't know why she thought writing a power ballad was the best method of expressing my emotions. Yesterday as we were leaving Publix I saw a Valentines balloon that had floated to the ceiling and gotten caught on a metal beam, the sight of made me very sad. I know most people don't really think about those balloons but my tendency to over think things made it a very depressing thing indeed. Just think about all the balloons that float to the ceiling, they're never going to be someone's get well present or whatever their print intended them to be, they'll never bring joy into anyone's life, they'll never fulfill their purpose in this world. They'll just sit there caught on those metal beams until they deflate. All that wasted potential, man. I told my mother that those balloons have always made me sad, ever since I was little, it's only now that I can eloquently express my feelings regarding them. That's it for now. Until next time, gang. Much Love, Gabby 

The Optimist

Today I am in a pondering sort of mood. I was just listening to a playlist of tunes I hadn't heard in a good while and suddenly Pompeii came on and a flood of emotions washed over me. Do you ever find that with certain songs you recall how you felt when you first listened to them? Pompeii wasn't a fun time in my life, I listened to that song almost constantly early last year when I was mourning a family member. The lyrics really spoke to me, "How am I gonna be an optimist about this?", how will my life ever go back to normal? The answer is it didn't. I still hurt, I still think about all the days I wasted and all the love I didn't show, I still expect to see this person whenever there's a big family event; I forget they're gone and suddenly a wound I thought was healed opens up again. I've lost a lot of people in the last couple of years, gang, and I've got regrets that go with everyone of them. But you know what? I remind myself that they're happier than they ever were here and someday we'll be that happy together and it comforts me a little. I still go back to those lyrics, I find myself constantly questioning how to look on the bright side in these hard times in this cruel world, and I remind myself what's waiting for me, and that I need to try my best until then, and I feel a little better again. It's an almost constant cycle, it's a struggle to remain optimistic. But to think how for every bad day I have there is an eternity of good ones sure as heck helps. And just because I don't foresee and bright spots in my future doesn't mean that they aren't there, God's full of surprises. I think a good chunk of faith is believing in the good days when you're in the middle of a bad one. That's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby    

Lost Without Wifi

Today my wifi was out and I realized just how much of my life revolves around the internet, then I got really depressed by that fact... I'm young, I should be outside breathing fresh air, and seeing new places, and having adventures darn it! But I'm home on the couch trying to figure out where this post is going because my brain is totally blank at the moment. Do any of y'all ever feel a very strong desire to write but once you actually start writing you just feel like giving up and going to bed? That's about me right now, gang. I was thinking about perhaps doing a Q and A on here but I'm not exactly sure how many readers I've got at the moment, after all I only started this blog a month ago, but if you've got anything you wanna know don't forget there's a comment section at the end of every post. I am very much in want of inspiration right now, I need to read some great books, I need to see some awesome movies, I need fuel for that finicky muse of mine. I'm just feeling wiped out, guys. Some stuff went down yesterday and it left me feeling seriously drained. My energy and hope meters are running dangerously low at the moment. The temperatures have continued to plummet and so have my zen levels. It's like winter is making up for all of our normally mild and pleasant weather by giving south Florida a serious beat down before spring takes over. I'm gonna wrap this up for now, I'll wait until I actually have something to write about to post again. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Punk Rock Is Dead And The Clones Are Attacking

Recently after my mini spiritual awakening I decided to get some Christian tunes on my spotify. I'm rather ashamed to admit that I didn't have any Christian music anywhere on it and not really any on my iTunes either in the past year. After fleeing the great and terrible mega church I was going to last year I found myself seriously fed up with a lot of songs, I guess I associated them with bad memories. Now I found myself with very few limits, nobody helped me make this playlist so I didn't have anybody hovering over my shoulder telling me to get this or that, it was just me and the tunes. I mentioned this in my previous entry but apparently my taste in worship tends to lean more towards punk rock. Relient K, some Stellar Kart, Hawk Nelson, that kinda old school stuff. I dunno why but I find myself kinda drawn to it, I love how it sort of aggressively proclaims all about the love of God. Now I do like more chilled out stuff, I really dig old Newsboys song from back before they changed their lead singer, The Afters are cool as well. And just in general I tend to listen to more relaxed music, but with worship I guess I tend to like something that really gets my blood pumping, especially since slower song in the Christian category tend to be a little mournful. I love how these songs acknowledge both how sucky life is and how awesome God can make it. And also they're not afraid to say how even with God on your side it ain't all sunshine and fun times. The unfortunate part of my rediscovery of this stuff is that right now this kind of music is dead as a doornail. Seriously, what happened to Christian music? When did it become all oohing and ahhing and comparing God to stupid stuff like rocks and fire? I remember one of the last times I went to my old church and they played this one song that declared "THE ROCK WON'T MOVE!" about 50 times and being the sarcastic little crud that I am I leaned over to my friend and whispered, "This is the most inspirational song about Dwayne Johnson I've ever heard". Let me tell you we started cackling. I know, it was an awful thing to do, especially right there in the middle of church. Trust me, I've asked God's forgiveness on that one. I just don't understand when worship became so generic. I'm not trying to be cool or modern here either, I think the old hymns from way way back in the day are just dandy if you play with the arrangement a little. The lyrics actually used to mean something. I know the world isn't perfect and my vision for a church where maxi skirts for girls and plaid button downs for guys aren't a mandatory dress code that'll get you funny looks if you don't obey isn't realistic, but it's something to try for, man. I mean, how're things supposed to get better if we don't try and change them? I'm not saying it's wrong to dress this way, that you're not allowed to like your Starbucks and get excited when a new Hillsong CD comes out. But the thing of it is that a lot of people right now tend to believe that's how Christians are SUPPOSED to be, and that you're wrong or weird or somehow less holy if you aren't. I personally believe that if you're a Christian the only one you're supposed to be like is Jesus. I don't know how this became a rant about the church's attack of the clones, but my point is that you should never feel bad for just being yourself. No matter what you wear or where you drink your coffee Jesus loves you. That's gonna be it for now, guys. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby

Things I've Learned

Today my muse is not with me but I still want to write so I shall make a list of some random things I have learned recently.

1. When you buy Haribro gummy bears the green ones are apparently strawberry and not lime. The red ones are raspberry.


2. You should never buy anything in Times Square because even a sweet tea from Mickey D's costs an insane amount of money, so instead you should go "around the corner" to a little pizza place called Mario's. I overheard a guy telling his friend this while I was waiting for a pizza.

3. According to my brother my Matthew McConaughey impression sounds like Forrest Gump.

4. There is a fun punk rock cover of Do Want To Build A Snowman by Stellar Kart and a depressing not punk rock one by Jasmine Thompson.

5. The choreographers for Mary Poppins were a married couple. How sweet is that?

6. Apparently you have a better chance of getting a manga published in Japan than winning the lottery.

7. Also apparently my taste in Christian music tends to lean more toward punk rock or old school.

8. I did not learn what my friend Grace's belated birthday gift to me is (but I think I know).

That's gonna be it for now, gang. Hopefully I'll have another proper entry up soon. Much Love, Gabby

A Case Of The Blahs

The temperature has plummeted and so have my spirits. Winter's got me down, gang. I am very much ready for spring. I live on a lake so the wind makes this creepy whistling sound and it's like I'm in The Secret Garden or something. Now I've never really been down with the tropics, the beach just isn't my scene; but I've got dreams, dear readers, and they mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny. Despite the fact that my days have been lazy and uneventful I find myself in desperate need of a vacation. On these gloomy days my head and heart are up north in Disney world. The parks give me that extra shot of Disney magic to recharge my soul, ya know? I can be dog tired but as soon as I'm on Main Street I'm dancing and skipping and making a total fool of myself (and not caring at all because I'm having the time of my life). Orlando is of course colder than my home base but there's plenty of fun stuff to distract you from the mind numbing cold and soul sucking darkness. I would love to tell you that there's a beacon of hope at the end of this tunnel, that a trip to the happiest place on earth is shining in the distance, but alas, there is only me bopping around in the metaphorical tunnel. So here I am, with the days passing quickly and the nights crawling by slowly as a turtle with gum on its feet. That's gonna be it for now, gang. A whole entry just to complain! Until next time, guys. Much Love, Gabby 

Hardcore Hermit

People don't tend to think that we have winter down here in Florida, I've had a friend describe it as "The Australia of America", but we do. My mom informed me before she went to bed that it's supposed to get down to the 40s! I dunno what it is right now but man, it's cold. Now, people are kinda right about Florida, we don't get a true and proper winter, just little bursts of it here and there. Lemme tell ya something though, I live in a beach town and while my base of operations isn't real close to the ocean (I think we're like a 15 minute drive, I could be wrong though) we still get some serious coldness blowing in. I don't like the chilly weather, gang. It makes me achy, my skin gets real dry, my lips chap, it ain't pretty. So during the colder months you can find me under a blanket decked out in full winter wear. The up side to this is that while I have some hermit time (I'm actually usually a hermit anyways, but this is hardcore hermit stuff) I've actually pole vaulted my reading block with several feet to spare, that is to say I got over it. Mainly I've read comics but I still feel accomplished. Three Avatar comics, three volumes of Kekkaishi, and one middle grade fantasy later I'm kicking back a bit because I done good. I finally started on rereading a series of books that I mentioned in a previous entry because I got the last one for Christmas. The book I'm currently on is called My Name Is Chloe by Melody Carlson, it's a Christian fiction about a high school girl who ends up finding God and starting a band along the way. It's much cooler than I make it sound and if you're a Christian teenage girl I consider it a must read. I've read this book several times over the years and it's really held up. I still find it incredibly encouraging and find the protagonist Chloe to be a very real and relatable character. Even though she finds God she still questions things, she still has her doubts. But she really keeps the faith, and honestly she inspires me more than a lot of sermons I've sat through. The writing in this book is great, it's written as Chloe's diary so it feels sorta like reading a letter instead of the usual detached third person I don't tend to like in realistic books, instead of reading about how our leading lady was feeling you have her telling you straight up and it's really refreshing. Now I had started reading this book just before I wrote my last entry all about my relationship with God and it's a little weird because yesterday was Friday the 13th and in the book Chloe becomes a Christian on Friday the 13th. I found that to be an interesting coincidence. While this book does make me feel better and less lost it also leaves me feeling a little empty too, I seriously wish I had a home church and some friends to talk about these things with. It's not that I don't have friends or that they wouldn't hear me out about these things, it's just that two of the live out of state and my oldest friend who lives down here has a lot on her plate and doesn't live too nearby so I don't get to see her so much, and they're all crazy busy to boot. I miss youth group, I miss jamming to worship and hearing a sermon I actually agreed with (another reason I left my old church, I won't go into details but my personal beliefs clashed with what they were preaching). I know, I'm probably right at the age where they'd kick me out into "adult church", but honestly I feel a lot younger than I am in certain ways...And then in other ways I'm more mature than most kids my age...So yeah, that's the struggle and it's very much real. Is it completely cheesy to liken my present situation to the cold weather? How it makes me feel tired and brittle and beat up? Despite my mini spiritual awakening last night I haven't really sat down and properly prayed, I've sorta been conversating with God at random times, talking to him about the weather and things like reading and my writing, asking him to help this person or that person. Quite honestly I'm not sure what to ask for, I'm not sure which words would go together best to express what I'm looking for. I know he knows my heart, that he knows exactly what I need, but I just wish he'd point me in the right direction. I also wish talking to him was easier. I don't think there's really anything wrong per say with praying in a more casual way, I mean, I'm talking to him. I'm trying to lay my burdens down as the bible instructs. I just wish he'd show me how to iron the crinkles proverbial tee shirt of my life. Maybe he's trying, if so I wish he'd be a little more clear. This is the kinda stuff I wish I had a friend or possibly a pastor to talk about with. I mean, I get that God's the one with the answers but I also know he uses people to help steer us down the right path and all that. Wouldn't it be groovy if when we gave our hearts over to the lord we got a spiritual GPS? That probably sounds totally stupid but I think it'd be great. If you're wondering what my point is there isn't one, please see my first entry where I warn about rantings and ramblings on this blog. I think that's gonna be it for now, gang. Until next time. Much Love, Gabby   

Wishes

Lately I've been thinking about wishes a lot. Wishes are an odd concept, we pour out our hearts desires to things like birthday candles, and eyelashes, stars that are both shooting and stationary...Heck, I even have a cousin who told me she makes a wish every time she wears a necklace and has to readjust it. My birthday was last month and I found myself wishing for just plain happiness and for everything to be okay, whatever "okay" implies. I've never truly believed that blowing out candles or sending  dandelion puffs flying or anything like that had any real effect on my life, and yet here I am at around 6 AM with this subject pressing on my mind. As a Christian I know I shouldn't be putting my faith in of this world things to get somewhere, I should take my needs to God, I should pour out my heart to him, lay my burden at his feet; all that other stuff in old hymns and Psalms that got turned into Hillsong chart-toppers. But I don't. Truth be told I have serious communication issues when it comes to God. I know I probably haven't mentioned my beliefs before now, and I really should have. Instead of looking to books and things to free me of my problems I should be going straight to God like I've been brought up to. But I don't. Now I've been an official Christian Christian since age 5 when I said a little prayer giving my heart to Jesus on a car ride to the beach, but I've never really been the best at talking to him. In stressful times I've often felt like I'm screaming at the ceiling or that my prayers are falling on deaf ears. I've questioned why Jesus has let certain things happen...But I really and truly believe in him. I don't expect any comments like this but I don't want anyone telling me that what I believe is wrong or saying I should put my faith in something else. I believe in God, and sometimes I do have my doubts, but I have to remind myself that he doesn't want things things to happen to me, they just do. I feel like since God is the king of everything and I'm his child it's like I'm in a novel; I'm the princess who circumstance has been left in a bad situation separated from her father and the world is doing everything it can to keep us apart. I think part of the disconnect I'm feeling has to do with the fact that I'm churchless at the moment. I left the one I'd been going to since I could remember last year because they got too commercial for my liking and I didn't feel like the youth group was the right fit for me (to be honest it felt a bit toxic, but that's high school for ya), and now that my parents go to a different church that's smaller I don't feel it's the right fit for me either. Our old church got too big for me, I felt like just another sit filled, like the place had outgrown me. This new church (which isn't actually new, my parents have been going since last summer) feels a bit...off. If that makes any sense. But yeah, I haven't really been to church since I left youth group almost exactly a year ago. I feel that a good church is really important, I need to find somewhere I can be comfortable, since it is my father's house I want to feel at home instead of like an awkward dinner party guest counting the courses until I can leave. I'll admit this isn't the biggest chunk of the problem though, in the end I'm the one responsible for my relationship with God and frankly I know that I haven't been putting in hardly any effort. I find myself thinking "I wish" a lot like I'm in Into The Woods or something equally silly instead of praying about things or consulting the bible. My problem is this: When I pray I find all the right words flee my brain like it's a sinking ship and my thoughts dart in a million different directions (none of which have to do with prayer), and when I actually do bother to try and read my bible I have no idea where on earth to look and end up giving up. I know a lot of people feel this way, especially at my age. I know that doubt isn't uncommon, but I also know that it isn't right. The whole point of faith is to put your complete trust in God, and honestly I feel I'm the ye of little faith who I forget what verse refers to. I find myself trying to make bargains with God because of prayers that have gone unanswered in the past. Another thing I find myself thinking about lately is how I only talk to God when I need something, and I know how bad that makes me personally feel when people do that to me, so I really don't want to do it to him. I know it's not wrong to take your problems to him, but I want a proper relationship with him so I don't just want to go whining to him for whatever I feel I need. I mean, it's not like I'm asking for a pony or anything...But yeah, I hope you know what I mean because I'm really bad at explaining this. But what do you talk to God about? I'm not even that good with communicating with people let alone the creator of the universe! Does God really want to hear about what I had for lunch or the fact that I enjoyed spending the day watching Cooking Channel? These seem like such trivial things. Stupid things. I think he cares though. Just like anybody cares about anyone they love. I think I need to stop making bargains when I pray because all he's asking for is my trust. I know what I need to do on a big picture level, it's just a matter of figuring out how to go about doing it. Not that this is important but I can see the first hints of sunrise coming through my blinds, the light that's coming in is faint and pale and if I look hard I can seen pink in the little gaps in the blinds. It's pretty and soothing since I've had an especially restless night. It makes me feel peaceful. I think the Lord is telling me to get some rest for now. Until next time, gang. Much Love, Gabby           

Ramblings On Reading

I am one of those people who feels very accomplished when I get certain ordinary tasks done. Most of the time these things are not the greatest feats but I still find myself feeling proud. Since I last wrote I have finished reading Paddington, finally made my way through the last few hundred pages of Inkspell (which I've been reading on and off since October), and polished off the third volume of Bleach. Now though I glow with pride I find myself with a dilemma and that is deciding what to read next. Do I go in for a reread so I can finally read the books I got for Christmas (both of which are the last in a series)?  Do I read The Wind And The Willows which I've had sitting on my top bookshelf for about a year now and keep forgetting I own? Perhaps I could attempt begging my parents to take me to the library so I can check out some of the books I've found online that I'm dying to read. I just don't know. Indecision is one of the many plagues of my existence. "Why don't you just read them all?" you ask. Well, dear readers, ever since I started on chapter books I tend to not be able to read more than one book at once in good conscience, I always feel like I'm cheating on the first book. Also the stories tend to get all mixed up in my brain and I'll get the plot of book A mixed up with the plot of book B. When I feel indecisive like this I usually just end up not reading anything. Let me tell you a thing: I always have to be reading something, when I'm not I feel like my brain is slowly turning to mush. When I'm not reading I tend to be moody... I find myself not writing as well, I like to think of books as caffeine for my muse and we all know how certain people can't function without coffee. Books tend to effect my behavior in the oddest ways as well; when I read Narnia I find myself unintentionally talking with a British accent, when I was small and read The Secret Garden for the first time I had a strong desire to get outside and breathe in all that good  fresh air. I could go on and on, most things have a more subtle influence on me though. People say that what you read in your younger years will shape who you become when you're older, your tastes, your behavior, etc; but I think that there's not really an age limit to this sort of thing, I believe that stories continue to mold us all our lives. I find stories as much of a necessity to my survival as food and water. I feel I could write forever and never express how much books mean to me. I love the sense of  comradery between people who enjoy have the same stories, I love hearing people talk about their favorite books with light in their eyes...So yeah, when I'm going through a reading rut as I am right now I feel sort of cut off from all of that, like a windup toy with a piece missing not functioning as it should. Usually after finishing a book for the first time I allow myself a three day mourning period to allow my brain to fully leave the story's universe, so tonight is for thinking and tomorrow decisions. That's it for now, hopefully the next entry will be about something besides books but I won't make any promises I can't keep. Much Love, Gabby